Gu Chi Is So Hot Right Now

After Jed returned the baby otter to the National Laotion Otter Water and Skate Park Sanctuary (what a guy!), we made our way to the mythical, infamous Ho Chi Minh City. En route, we took the day bus from Luang Nam Tha to Luang Prabang, where we rode elephants, trekked in knee-deep mud, chanted with the monklettes (our term for young monks, who we learned recieve a free education in the monastery if their families can't afford to pay for other schooling; also our term for monks who can't sit still during meditation!), yuppied it up at the wine bars and coffee houses, and generally left "roughing it" behind to the under 24 crowd.

Emerging from our encounter with the good life, we boarded an innocent looking, overnight bus to Vientienne, the Laotian capital, where we were to fly onto HCMC. Little did we know (isn't this becoming a convenient narrative device?) this was the longest, bumpiest, curviest, jostlingest most cramped bus ride in the history of bus rides. Add an AC unit dripping an unkown sticky substance onto our makeshift poncho shelter, no bathroom break for 6 hours and chairs that didn't recline to an already sleep-deprived bunch, and we were NOT happy campers. We got into Vientienne and crashed, though we did make it to the Scandinavian bakery for some delicious omelletes.

And finally! Ho Chi-Fuckin-Minh City. . .

Within an hour of touchdown in the most traffic-congested city in the hemisphere, and already suppressing the almost constant urge to scream "Gooood Morning Vietnam!"/"I love the smell of napalm in the morning"(Jen/Jed respectively), we were caught in the most vicious motocylce gridlock we'd ever seen, making Mexico City look like the Deerfield/Newton Free library parking lot. Racing to our comfortable guest house (which was hard when it took Jen 10 minutes to cross the street), where the owner kept a menagerie of rare songbirds to sell/eat, we narrowly escaped a deluge of biblical proportions (and we're talking water filling the streets up to your knees in a matter of minutes).

Things witnessed in the HCMC streets as Jen was too afraid to cross:

Motorbikes-cum-waterskis cruising past crowds of children through 2 feet of water

Our lives flashing before our eyes

And to top it all off -- motorcycles, mac trucks and semi's wizzing by -- a woman standing in the middle of traffic, leaning over her 2-year old, spoon-feeding him nonchalantly. In the middle of traffic!

Besides having a mindblowing/spiritually transcendent experience with a bowl of Pho and watching a German movie about two blind lovers make their way from Germany to Finland . . . we think . . . IN GERMAN(!) without subtitles, we took a tour of the Cu Chi tunnel system. Built by the Viet Cong, according to the brochure, "the tunnel system embodies the undaunted will, intelligence, and revolutionary heroism of the Cu Chi people liberating the fatherland from the American imperialists and their lackies." Yay!

While the tunnels themselves were pretty cool, both Jed and Jen actually managed to scuttle their way through 100 meters and 3 floors of underground corridors and declined to partake in the lunch-time gun firing opportunity, our favorite part was our historically accurate point-counter point between Gucci and Cu Chi. An excerpt (in high, squeaky Austrian voice):

Gucci is so hot right now vs. Cu Chi is so hot right now

Gucci: "By reinterpreting iconic elements from Gucci's past, such as the 'Flora' scarf patterns and equestrian imagery, Gucci has infused a rich heritage with new energy and modern sex appeal. This is why Gucci is so hot right now."

Cu Chi: "As the strong base of the Military Zone Party Committee, the Cu Chi tunnels sustained firefights in such 'hot' areas as the Liberated Area, the Disputed Area, No Mans Land, and Temporarily Occupied Area. Due to relentless napalm attacks and 30-ton bombing runs by American B-52s, the once lush town of Cu Chi has been effectively turned into a moonscape. This is why Cu Chi is so hot right now."

. . . that's it for now!

-See you in Hoi An.

Jed & jen

p.s. will SOMEONE comment on our blog???

Fried Weed + Sticky Rice + Bong Sauce

Hello again adoring public (i.e. moms and dads and our *true* friends:). Now the moment you've all been waiting for . . . Jed's fantastical 40 second motorcycle adventure!

Jed's version of events:
With fans lining both sides of Luang Nam Tha's main thoroughfare, I took off from the motorbike-rental place like an illegal speedboat down the Mekong. Pedal to the metal; I passed 20, 30, 40, 60, 90 miles per hour in a matter of seconds. Little did I know what was crouched behind the parked minivan down the road.

The cutest, most adorable baby otter darted into the middle of the street and peeped its little peep at me as I came thundering down the road. "Swerve!" I thought, "swerve, goddamn you! Save the baby otter." And swerve I did. I clambered up onto the bike seat, and prepared to spring off at the last second. I sent the bike hurtling into a construction site as I lept to safety.

In a last ditch effort to save the only reported Mekong otter in all of SE Asia, I went crashing ass over feet over head -- in a manly way, of course -- into the Luang Nam Tha curb. As I ducked my head and rolled, spontaneous applause erupted from all around. "OUR HERO!" they cried in Lao, I assume.



Jen's version of events:

After days of pleading and drooling over the European travelers cruising around on their motorbikes, I gave in and agreed to rent a motorbike to travel to the far northern village of Muang Sing (I'm adventuresome! I take risks!). As the rental dude showed Jed and I our 125 cc Korean-made bike, I thought that if the Lao people could drive with a family of 4, baby on the back, a dog, a basket of pineapples and an 18 foot pole, little ol' Jed and I could surely make it.

Rental dude gave Jed a .3 second lesson in shifting gears, and despite this being Jed's first time both on a motorcycle and driving stick-shift, I felt confident he could do it (as Julie Hilliard once exclaimed, "Is there anything Jed ISN'T good at the first time he tries it??). In a small cloud of dust, Jed slowly pushed off in first gear, lumbered along the main street for about 9 seconds at a liberal 4 miles per hour, wobbled out of his lane to the left and, in an apparent effort to turn around, gunned it into a nearby shrub where the bike tilted over and delivered Jed into a bed of tulips - thank goodness he was wearing his helmet!

Always the concerned girlfriend, I rushed to his aide and mended the scratch on his finger and small engine burn on his calf. Rental dude laughed, and then gleefully produced the contract requiring us to pay for damages (lucky us). 50,000 kip and a major loss of Jed's ego later, we chose to forgo the motorbike this time around after all.

Integrate with Banana

Hello Again!

So. We'll have to back track to bring you up to date with our adventure. After bitter rounds of back and forth with our favorite Thai travel agent in Banglamphu, named Pattama -- who for us will be forever known as Fattama from PooLampoo-- we obtained a second entry visa to China for Jennifer S. Garfield, esq. To do so, we had to stay in a hotel near the U.S. embassy that was formerly the epicenter of an underground Thai porn ring. Quaint!

To appease the authorities, who shut the porn ring down, every inch of the hotel wall is covered with signs saying, "NO SEX TOURISM! This hotel is wholesome." And then listed the 967 reasons why the hotel is NOT for sex tourists, in case you were confused.

Prior to finding this lovely spot, however, we stopped by Bangkok's Hualongphong Train Station at night, for the purportedly cheap accommodations. We stepped off the tuk-tuk and onto the main stairs to check our map for reference, when a drunken Thai vagrant snuck up behind Jed and placed his hands around his neck, offering him a "Nice Thai Massage." Needless to say, we exited the area quickly.... We later learned that Jen had led us into what was reportedly an area of Bangkok's worst lowlifes at night.... Safety first!

The next day, while Jed scoured the Internet, he stumbled upon a self-guided day trip to a floating market several kilometers outside of Bangkok. While most tourists to the area clambered aboard crowded VIP buses and descend, en mass, Jed and Jen -- intrepid travellers that they are -- followed the 6 step plan for seeing the market by local, rickety train line. We were the only non-Thais aboard and it took us directly through villages and markets, whose rooftops leaned right up against the tracks. We met two school kids (have we mentioned how hot the university girls look in their black skirts and starched white shirts?) coming home and they lead us to our next bus when we missed our ferry onward. The market itself was something of a let down, but the trip there made it all worthwhile.

After returning home from the market, we decided we'd had enough of the tourism in Thailand and had to race to Bangkok's Southern Bus Station to get on our 15 hour, overnight bus to Chiang Kong and Laos. But this wasn't just any bus -- no! -- this was a V. I. P. bus, meaning everyone got personal headrests, blankets, moist towelettes, water bottles, juice boxes, 2:30 A.M. dinner, and every few hours, the pleasure of being woken up by Thai elevator music for no apparent reason. Jen also got to enjoy watching Patrick Dempsey in some Disney movie dubbed in Thai. Good thing he's so McDreamy, you don't need to understand what he's saying.

Once we arrived in Chiang Kong, we immediately arranged our forward passage across the Mekong River to Laos, where we stayed in a crafty old grandma's guest house. She kept "forgetting" that we'd already paid for our curries and noodle soups. Stupid like a fox, Jed says. She hooked us up with two other guys, one from Italy and one from Canada, who were also on their way up north to Luang Nam Tha. The four of us forked over a considerable sum and hired a boat and set out in the pouring rain for a two day "slow longtail boat" journey up the Mekong and Nam Tha rivers (cue Gilligan's Island music . . . a 2 day tour . . . ).

While enjoying each other's close proximity (see pictures of our luxury cruise line), every hour or so we were joined by additional (non-paying) passengers who appeared out of the forests, which surrounded us on all sides. No explanations were given. Occasionally, our 15 year old boatmen (The Cap'n and The Cowboy) exchanged small packages with passing villagers. Was this the Lao Pony Express, or, having been stopped by The Glorious Laotian People's Magnanimous Army, was there more here going on then met the eye? The ride itself was muddy, tranquil and beautiful, like the travelers themselves :) Our favorite co-passenger was a 9 year old girl who kept inching closer to Jed and who almost understood the concept of rock-paper-scissors.

By nightfall, we had reached a remote Laotian village on the Nam Tha river where everyone was taking their evening baths and we were to eat and sleep. While Jed strolled around the village and inappropriately barged into their Wat (temple), Jen was accosted by the village women foisting their handwoven skirts and tablecloths on her. She resisted mightily, but succumbed to a skirt or two and a handful of handkerchiefs for good measure. A young girl brought us dinner of sticky rice (which they eat with their hands, rolling it into little balls to pick up other foods and sauces), chili peppers, bok choy and catfish soup (which we think we saw The Cap'n purchase along the route), all tasting faintly of Mekong. Afterwards, two VERY talkative male village elders monopolized Jed's time.

Excerpt from conversation overheard by Jen, who was amazed by Jed's ability to decipher the local dialect, and who stuck to playing with the little kids instead:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Village Elder (wearing snap on tie, which he removed to eat sticky rice): Bali mon bling hu pu?

Jed: No! I've never been to Bali, though I hear it's nice. Have you been there?

Village Elder (still wearing snap on tie): Lon gon barga mohu!

Jed: Oh? London? Yes. I've been there twice. Studied at SOAS for a semester.

::Food enters from stage left::

Jed: Phew! Food!
Village Elder (unclips tie and hands to Jed for safekeeping, points to self): Lao mag pi pi ho bling!

Jed: Uh...::looks at tie:: ... O. K.... Yes. Why don't you take that off for dinner? Let's eat.
::At some point during dinner. Village Elder gets drunk/more senile::
Jed: Oh... um. You looked so dapper before with your tie on. Would you like it back?
Village Elder (smiling broadly and swaying): Lao! Shu kir am en.

Jed (clipping tie onto Elder for no apparent reason): No problem. I'll help you put it back on....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, at 8:30 PM (30 minutes earlier than Jed and Jen's normal bedtime), Jen dislodged herself from the gaggle of small, naked children and joined Jed under a mosquito net for the night. By 5:30 am, the roosters started a-crowin and the babies started a-screamin. At 5:45, the villagers re-entered with their crafts just in case we had changed our minds about purchasing more. A quick breakfast of noodle soup (the original ramen noodles) and we were off on our cozy boat. Ten minutes later, after picking upand dropping off 97 more people, The Cap'n pulled over and informed us we would be better off taking a taxi. No money back. Much back and forth ensued, but we saw through their scheme and held our ground. We remained on the boat. Later, we read in the guidebook this is a common ploy boatmen use to extract additional funds. They also apparently don't enjoy navigating the northern rapids.

Stay tuned to hear how our boat ride turned out and about Jed's 40 second motorcyle adventure!

My Very Dearly Love

Hey All,

Jen's prediction of the amount of time we'd spend on the computer is turning out to be closer to the truth than mine. Oh well! Too busy having a good time!

Any way, we've been scurrying around Bangkok these past few days, and have covered a fair bit of ground. We saw the tourist ant hill of Th. Khao San, wandered around the uber-fashionable downtown Siam Center shopping district, smoked a hukkah in little Arabia -- where, at our first bar, we were turned away because it was men only; "NO LADY!" -- tons of women in full hijabs and MUZZLES! (I wish I had pictures), saw a bit of the riverwalk, and toured the grand palace and jade buddha chapel -- the king's personal prayer area.

Strange that the same city houses a well-populated sex industry and the bustling, and seemingly conservative, little Arabia.... or maybe not.

Any way, we're off to a small Thai village west or east of here -- I forget -- where there's a floating village to check out. Hope my camera battery lasts!

Love!

Eye persistence...

More news from the front: Middle aged, over weight Chinese men airing out their bellies -- shirts rolled up neatly to their breasts; old men with bright white, obvious toupes; a troupe of Mongolian throat singers, and the ubiquitious kids peeing on the street. We even discovered a rice porridge for Jen for breakfast (woohoo!).

OK! Another full day wandering around Beijing. Morning around the Forbidden City, then a series of bus rides to Houhai lake. We experimented with various lunch foods for Jen and settled on steamed fresh veggies. Fried duck and dumplings for Jed. Then, the tea ceremony.

Perhaps the cutest tea ceremony hostess. EVER. Explained traditional tea pouring techniques and kept our tea cups filled. Constantly. (Pictures to come)

To top the night off, Xing Wenda, his father, and his father's friend took us out to a banquet at a Chinese food emporium where Jen tried pickled jellyfish for the first time. Delicious!

Love from China!

Always Happy Love Frog...

We've arrived! 24 or so hours in Beijing and we've managed to see Jen's new workplace (which is next to the somewhat obvious University Department of Secrecy), a bit of the Forbidden City, the 'bird's nest' Olympic Stadium, men writing calligraphy with water in a park, and babies peeing on the street. Also, lots of crimped hair and bangs, and many, many instances of Chingrish; the title of this post for instance -- apparently a T-shirt brand here. We've only drawn momentary stares, which seems to speak to how cosmopolitan Beijing has become since Jed was last here.

We also met up with Jed's old buddy from high school in China, Xing Wenda, who waded through the torrential downpour and 100+ degree heat in Beijing to pick us up at the airport and help us to our hostel. When we finally left the airport, we weren't sure if the sky was overcast, or if it was just the everyday Beijing smog. So far, our lungs are still operating, though....

Jen's become quite good at saying "No MSG, please" in Chinese and has even begun bargaining for her big bottles of water. Jed's eaten his weight in baozi (steamed dumplings) and stayed away from the computer for 12 hours, 13 minutes, and just about 43 seconds.... *hands shaking*

We've also learned how much we have to learn about traveling with each other: Jen likes to look at maps when she gets to a new city and Jed likes to wander aimlessly -- even when we're both cranky and hungry!

Welcome!

Hi All!

Welcome to our blog.

We'll be available in China via Skype. We've obtained a U.S.-based phone number that you can use to get in touch with us as well, if you know us like that. It costs the same as making a call to any domestic U.S. number and it'll forward your call, at no extra charge to you, to our cell abroad via Skype. Yay for techmology....

Holla back,
-Jed and Jen